Monday, September 6, 2010
Changes are coming...
I've decided to try losing some weight again. I tried before but after a few months of no luck I gave up. So this time I'm going to try harder. No pop and very very very little sweets. I have quite a large sweet tooth and think it's in that where my problem really lies. I'm going to try harder to bring Jinx on more walks. I don't have a lot of free time lately but I still have some, and that time should be going to spending time with her. I also think I may invest in a bike. I haven't ridden one really in quite a long time. But I think if I actually owned one, I may use it more often. We'll see.
My Credo
Per an assignment for English class, here is a copy of my credo. Still a little rough around the edges, but I like it. :)
I believe in you and your conscious effort to become a better you. Your ideas of how to change yourself to fit that image of whom you want to be, now and in the future. In your capability to reach for a dream and finally grasp hold of it just before you’re ready to give up.
I believe in your right to make mistakes and to learn from them, even pass them on to others whom may fall upon that same mistake. Your decisions to agree or disagree with those around you, while still keeping one foot in their shoes. In your integrity that you may or may not show to others, but is always there none-the-less.
I believe in the tiny things that distinguish you as a person, as an individual. Your smile, or even your frown, that could affect an entire group of people. In your capacity to love, deeply and unconditionally, the people of your own choosing.
I believe in your understanding of how the world keeps turning, day in and day out. Your images of what tomorrow may bring. In your inner battles to make it through today in order for a better tomorrow.
I believe in who you once were, who you are now, and who you may become in the future.
I believe in you and your conscious effort to become a better you. Your ideas of how to change yourself to fit that image of whom you want to be, now and in the future. In your capability to reach for a dream and finally grasp hold of it just before you’re ready to give up.
I believe in your right to make mistakes and to learn from them, even pass them on to others whom may fall upon that same mistake. Your decisions to agree or disagree with those around you, while still keeping one foot in their shoes. In your integrity that you may or may not show to others, but is always there none-the-less.
I believe in the tiny things that distinguish you as a person, as an individual. Your smile, or even your frown, that could affect an entire group of people. In your capacity to love, deeply and unconditionally, the people of your own choosing.
I believe in your understanding of how the world keeps turning, day in and day out. Your images of what tomorrow may bring. In your inner battles to make it through today in order for a better tomorrow.
I believe in who you once were, who you are now, and who you may become in the future.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Fear
I started school yesterday. It's been 3 years since I've been in college. I'm nervous but excited at the same time. I currently have three classes I'm attending. Astronomy, Psychology, and Interpersonal Communication. All three seem to catch my interest so far, so this semester should be interesting. I know I'll do alright. Just have to keep up on my homework and not get too overwhelmed.
I think I've pin-pointed the reason for my sadness. My faith in Justin and my relationship has basically disappeared. I still care about him as I believe I always will, but something is different. I don't feel as close to him anymore. I don't get excited when I see him. I wish that it was the same as when we first were together. I really do. But I can't force myself to do something it doesn't want to do. I'd be miserable and it would be unfair to him. He is a good guy. Made mistakes, but so have I. Maybe not to the extent of which he did, but mistakes are part of being human.
After telling him of my feelings. That I just feel empty. I don't think he knew how to respond. But now things are just going on like i never said anything. Almost like how I feel isn't important. I told him how I was feeling and we just go on like it's nothing, when it's a huge deal. How can two people be in a stable relationship when one of them doesn't feel the same as the other?
I want to feel alive again. I don't feel like it much anymore. My heat doesn't beat faster. My life seems almost boring. I know I need to get out. I know I need to meet more people. Make more friends. But I find myself scared i guess. Scared to go out into a world that I already know can be cruel.
To leave Justin will take everything out of me. i left him once and it hurt us both beyond imaginable. To do it again... I don't know how either of us will fair. I'm sure after time we'll be okay. But I just hate hurting people. More than anything in the world, I hate hurting people.
I think I've pin-pointed the reason for my sadness. My faith in Justin and my relationship has basically disappeared. I still care about him as I believe I always will, but something is different. I don't feel as close to him anymore. I don't get excited when I see him. I wish that it was the same as when we first were together. I really do. But I can't force myself to do something it doesn't want to do. I'd be miserable and it would be unfair to him. He is a good guy. Made mistakes, but so have I. Maybe not to the extent of which he did, but mistakes are part of being human.
After telling him of my feelings. That I just feel empty. I don't think he knew how to respond. But now things are just going on like i never said anything. Almost like how I feel isn't important. I told him how I was feeling and we just go on like it's nothing, when it's a huge deal. How can two people be in a stable relationship when one of them doesn't feel the same as the other?
I want to feel alive again. I don't feel like it much anymore. My heat doesn't beat faster. My life seems almost boring. I know I need to get out. I know I need to meet more people. Make more friends. But I find myself scared i guess. Scared to go out into a world that I already know can be cruel.
To leave Justin will take everything out of me. i left him once and it hurt us both beyond imaginable. To do it again... I don't know how either of us will fair. I'm sure after time we'll be okay. But I just hate hurting people. More than anything in the world, I hate hurting people.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year, 2010
The new year has begun and I have decided that there are
things I need to change to help me enjoy my life more. So I
have decided to start writing again to help me sort out my
thoughts and feelings. So to begin with I'd like to post
some of my New Year's Resolutions.
*Do not eat as much fast food.
*Get back in touch with friends I have lost contact with.
*Fix some crashed bridges with friends.
*Bring Jinx on a walk more often.
*Handle Sanchez more often.
*Get a place of my own.
*Try to live my life as I see fit, not as everyone else sees
fit.
*Hang out with friends more.
*Do well in school.
*Get a new job.
That is all for now. I think that will give me enough to pay
attention to.
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